5 Must Reads to Guide Your Path to Sexual Empowerment
Photo by Romina Farías on Unsplash
It’s a pretty common response for people to ask me what resources they should look into when they find out that I do sex therapy and sexuality education. However, I don’t think anyone ever thinks about just how many books on the subject I own. It’s not uncommon for me to place a pile of books in front of whoever I’m speaking to and excitedly ramble about all the great things about them.
I’ll be honest, it’s taken me years to sort through the books with old views, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgender normativity and outdated information. However, there are a few gems that I hold near and dear to my heart and I am so happy to share them with you to jump start your sexual empowerment journey.
These are books that I often recommend my clients and student’s parents:
Come As You Are - Emily Nagoski
If I were only able to recommend only one book on sexuality to someone, this would be my choice. Emily Nagoski makes this book so easy to read with their wit, humor, and intelligence.
This book covers everything you need to know about your sexual anatomy, arousal and response cycles, why having a focus on pleasure is important, and how to find what’s pleasurable for YOU.
Nagoski on Unwanted Arousal
After reading this book, my whole perspective on sexuality changed. Nagoski beautifully elaborates why finding pleasure is important, and not necessarily just through sexuality, but in life. They also discuss how sometimes our body’s reactions don’t always match with what we’re thinking (its called arousal non-concordance— look it up!). This is the main book I use for my philosophical backgrounds in my sex education curriculum. To me, this book covers almost everything a person needs to know about their anatomy and the way their body reacts to arousal.
To make it even better, Nagoski also came out with a companion workbook that goes along with each and every chapter of the book! The workbook will help you critically think about your sex life and pleasures and help you work through the new information you learned.
If books aren’t your thing, you can listen to the audiobook that Nagoski reads themselves! Its perfect for long drives or listening to while taking a bath.
You can find many Ted Talks by Nagoski if you’d like to get a feel for them before diving into their books. These talks are a great way to learn about concepts like unwanted arousal, pleasure, and finding connection.
2. The Ethical Slut - Janet Hardy & Dossie Easton
The Ethical Slut is another one of my go-to’s on my bookshelf. This book is great for those who may want to learn more about non-monogamous and poyamourous relationships. Hardy and Easton cleverly describe how to ethically practice the art of non-monogamy— creating boundaries, figuring out what YOU want, and practicing communication and honesty…
If you have never engaged in an open relationship, this book also helps you learn about the foundations of these relationship styles. The authors clearly define the terms, include a glossary in the back, and help you critically think about the types of relationships you may want.
I had the pleasure of meeting Dossie Easton at the 2019 WAMFT Conference where she was the keynote speaker. Dossie is bright, funny, and full of passion for what she loves.
This book has everything you may need to help navigate you journey in learning how to ethically engage in open relationships.
Check out this Video of Dossie speaking at Talks at Google
3. Loves Not Colorblind - Kevin A. Patterson
There is so much to say about this wonderful book by Kevin Patterson.
Love’s Not Colorblind takes you through the intersectionality of polyamory and race and uncovers issues of everyday racism that tend to be ignored, especially in communities that are primarily cisgender and white centered (i.e. polyamorous communities).
Through anecdotes, theory, and analogy, Patterson effortlessly guides you through these hard conversations and allows you to think critically about your privilege within these communities.
In addition to his book, Kevin Patterson also is the creator of the blog Poly Role Models where he interviews people about their experiences with polyamory and strives to keep the platform diverse and inclusive.
You can learn more about Kevin and his work in the Multiamory podcast
4. Big Big Love - Hanne Blank
Something that is not always talked about in sexuality education is the intersectionality of fat bodies and sex. People of all shapes and sizes are everywhere and shouldn’t be excluded from being represented in sex education.
Hanne Blank is an amazing fat and sexual writer, educator, and activist. In her book, Big Big Love she covers the how-tos and why-tos of sexuality and caters the book to everybody—regardless of race, gender, orientation, or body size.
As you read through the book, you will learn all about the communities and cultures in the fat sexuality world. Additionally, you will be navigated down a path of learning about dating, emotions, sexual health, and sex tips for people of all shapes and sizes.
Hanne Blank reading “Real Women”
5. The Erotic Mind - Jack Morin
This was the first book I read when I decided to become a sex therapist! This was assigned to us in our very first sex therapy class and I COULD NOT STOP reading it!
Every time I hand this book to a friend, they aren’t able to put it down. This book is a must read for anyone who is looking to change their perspectives on sexuality.
The Erotic Mind also allows you to walk through the roadmap of your sexual being. This roadmap uncovers your peak erotic experiences, cornerstones of eroticism, core erotic themes, erotic scripts, and emotional aphrodisiacs.
I know all of those phrases sound like a lot, but I promise you that once you dive into this book it’ll all make sense and your understanding of sexuality will become more clear.
Heres a video of Jack Morin if you’d like to learn more about his work